Never thought I'd miss talking to someone so much…
It's only been like four days, but I'm so used to talking to him all day everyday that I miss it. A lot.
Fuck.
Fuck…
FUCK!

Apparently, my heart is not gonna consult with my brain.
Good job, Ann. Good fucking job.
I guess we're gonna see where this'll take me.

Not this again. Please. I don't need this.
I have no time. And, honestly, no desire.
IT'S TOO COMPLICATED

You know what I'm great at? Coming up with obsessive thoughts. And it doesn't have to be anything sad or bad or anything. It can be something like "I need to drink water". Aaand that's it. I'm done for, until I go and do that. Or something like "I need to know how Agamemnon died exactly" while I'm in a middle of a sentence while reading a book… It honestly drives me crazy.
Usually happens when I'm trying to fall asleep, but not always. Great ability you have there, girl. Keep it up.

I feel my post-birthday depression coming up. It's rather late this year.
It actually has nothing to do with my birthday, but hey! Whatever. Need to get rid of it. Fast. I have no time for depression.

Okay, where the hell is my Christmas mood? What the fuck, life?

I feel like I'm drowning. Hope it's temporary.

I should… I need to learn how to separate myself from songs and poems. It brings up too much.

You know what makes me sad the most?
That I don't have anyone to say "good morning" to.

Soon snow will cover everything.
And by the time next spring comes, I'll be completely fine.

Fuckfuckfuck.
Everything sucks.
Badbadbad.
I'm so tired.
Sad.
Crying.

Oh, I'm fine, look at me, I'm cool, I'm strong, I'm moving on.

Ah, no, I'm not. Sorry, my mistake.
Hello, darkness, my old friend.

Think about it, jeez!
Why do you keep tormenting yourself and cry your eyes out. I hope that's PMS, but you know it's not only that.
It's never gonna go away that way. Or heal.
It was so silly of you to think that the change of scenery and activities on itself is going to help. Nothing is gonna make you stop hurting except you.
So start acting like an adult. Make the right choices. Like you did once already. You did make a right one and you know it. So make some more.
And when you do - once you do! - stick to it.

I am the pain.

Please, let me go.

I need to learn how to talk to people properly. To be less aggressive, less sarcastic. It's almost never funny to anyone. I'm the only one enjoying it.
Cause I'm fucking selfish.
And mean.
And I don't have much friends not only because I don't want to (although that's still a thing), but because of those reasons above.
Need to learn to control the things I say.
Need to shut up sometimes.
I'm neither ugly nor stupid. Just very, very mean. That's why nobody likes me.
No one will ever like a person who spits poison while talking.
So be kinder.
Be smarter than this.
And calmer.
C'mon, Ann, it's time to grow up. Time to forgive humanity for everything.
You know how much some words and actions can hurt. You do. So stop trying to hurt people back.
Be better.
And maybe it'll come back to you.